It often seems to be that I write and share something, on the blog or in my newsletter, and it turns out that it’s just what I need to hear myself.
Yesterday, I asked my tribe, How are you in your worst moments?
My message ended, after speaking of frustration, resentment, confusion and self-doubt, with this:
Discovering how to live, breathe, and be in the worst of my moments,
With an open heart
With a curious soul
That is my journey.
That, I believe is the journey for so many of us.
Shortly after this went out, I got an email from a wonderful mama whom I feel lucky to have in my world. She said, “Love this! Needed this!”
And we all do. As the day went on, I found myself thinking back to these words.
As Chloe seemed tired but struggled to nap (after 3 hours of trying, she finally fell into a restful sleep)
As she wanted more mama milk than food yesterday and I just wanted some body freedom (knowing all the while that she is more in tune than I ever could be with what she needs, and that she had her reasons for wanting milk as nourishment and connection)
As she ate through her ideal bedtime and fought tooth and nail as we tried to brush her teeth (and as she finally, hours later, fell asleep to the relief of two exhausted and worn out parents)
Each moment that I felt the frustration rise, I found my breath. I knew that I was here for her. I knew that if I expressed my stress through my language, my tone, my body language, that she would pick up on that and mimic it. She’d fight stronger, she’d see it as a game but really, she’d be internalizing all of it.
Do I have regrets and feel guilt over my reactions to her actions? All the time.
Do I let myself feel like a bad mama because of it? Of course not, I wouldn’t survive this journey if I did. The self-doubt creeps in, but I’m getting better at releasing it.
In every moment that I can, I bring my attention to the present moment. I focus on what would best serve Chloe, what would best serve me.
Sometimes it’s holding her in a tight hug.
Sometimes it’s stepping away, giving myself space in another room to breathe.
Sometimes it’s finding strength in knowing that I’m not alone – through stories shared in books or in conversation with other mamas.
Such an important piece of building a strong foundation for our families is our own self-care.
Such an important piece of our own self-care is gathering in community with other mamas.
Such an important piece of gathering in community with other mamas is learning that we are not alone and discovering ways to find a little more ease each day, each moment, as we travel this long journey of motherhood.
Peace, Love, and Wellness,