“She craves men but women are her most abiding lovers. Her friends are her soul mates, all the love without the consumption of sex and romance, a different kind of intimacy. Women make love by admiring each other, studying and envying each other and mixing it all up in a pot of devotion.”― G.G. Renee Hill, The Beautiful Disruption
I remember wanting to be part of the popular group when I was younger. That shifted one day when I realized that when one of them left the room she became the topic of conversation. I recognized then that they might have plans every weekend but they didn’t have anyone to trust when they really needed a friend. What I realize now is that they also didn’t have anyone who could see them and accept them for who they were.
Over the years, friendships have come and gone (and some have come back around), and I have learned so much about myself, friendship, and what it means to be in relationship with other women. Here are a few things I’ve learned:
Friendships (like ogres and onions for all your Shrek fans) have layers.
Holding expectations of others does not usually work out well.
We grow as individuals, and sometimes that means we grow closer to others, sometimes further apart.
There is ebb and flow in relationships, as with anything else.
When we find our women, the ones with whom we can finally let down our guard and expose our vulnerability to without fear of judgment, we have the chance to give and receive such a beautiful gift.
We have the chance to hear and be heard.
We have the chance to see and be seen.
We have the chance to explore our vulnerability instead of hide from it.
We have the chance to be open to who we were, who we are, and who we are becoming.
As we prepare ourselves for any new becoming, be it preparation for conception and pregnancy, motherhood, or as we step into the new version of ourselves that we are currently calling forth, this type of support can create such a huge different in how we allow ourselves to be seen.
In being seen by others without the cloud of judgement, we start to drop our own self judgment too.
I’ll be honest with you, for a long time I thought this type of intimate friendship was a dream that was not based in reality. I thought that women didn’t have the capacity to hold in this gentleness in the realm of friendship because I had not seen in, felt it, experienced it.
Just because you have not experienced something does not mean it does not exist.
I want to tell you that it’s here and you can find it. As I’ve learned many times before, the finding often comes when you stop searching, striving. Sink in, sink deeply in where you find love and joy, and there will be your circle of women, finding their way to you, holding you up and being held by you in turn. It is pure love, pure magic.
Peace, Love, and Wellness,