Tag Archives: self care

The Gift of Sharing Ritual

We walked from the funeral home to the church, and that’s when the tears finally started to fall. “I knew they would come at some point,” I said to my mom and my husband. I felt like we were leading a parade which felt strange, but the walk outside was nice. Fresh air always comforts me.

After the funeral mass (not one of my rituals, but one that was no doubt sacred for my grandmother), we traveled to the cemetery. My grandfather was buried here too and it is one of the most beautiful and peaceful cemeteries I’ve been to. Nestled in the mountains, the stone markers are flat and you feel like you’re in a park. The tent was set up and we made our way to the open grave.

Here comes the part where my mother introduced a tradition that she has come to hold sacred to her family, many of whom had never known of it or experienced it before this day.

I’m paraphrasing her beautiful words, but it went something like this…

“We’re going to borrow from a Jewish tradition and cover mom with earth, in a blanket of love. This is seen as one of the highest gifts that you can give to a person because it cannot be repaid. In truth, I think mom prepaid us in so many ways. If you would like to stay and help us with this, know that it will take some time for them to take the tent down, bring the earth over and be ready for us to begin.”

And, in what felt like magic, almost everyone stayed to help. We waited amidst a sea of gnats, swatting them away, taking walks, finding the graves of other relatives who will always be missed and loved, having healing conversations, and then we gathered again.

We covered my grandmother in a blanket of love, all of us taking turns with the shovels, watching the casket disappearing into the earth, and then I heard my mom’s family members come up to her and share their reactions.

“Thank you so much for giving me this opportunity.”
“I had seen this before but never participated, thank you.”

I remember when my paternal grandmother died. I was 14 and heartbroken and could not pick the shovel up, even though a cousin of mine told me it would be healing. I could not take on that ritual at the time, but I have since been guided back to it, and found much healing and comfort in it.

One way Sacred Ritual showed up for my grandma was in tending to her roses.

One way Sacred Ritual showed up for my grandma was in tending to her roses.

Sharing our sacred rituals can be scary. It is an act of vulnerability. But what a gift when we share something new that changes how someone sees and experiences the world.

There are rituals around birth and death, but there are rituals that fall between, during day-to-day life, and those have been the ones that I’ve found to be most sacred because they are daily touchstones to help ground, center, and bring me into the present moment.

My heart is full when I think of what Sacred Ritual Everyday has become, sharing of not only some of my favorite rituals, but a look into what sacred ritual means to some incredible women who I am excited to share with you.

If you are curious about expanding your definition of sacred ritual into something that feels authentically you, Sacred Ritual Everyday may be calling you in….

Peace, Love, and Wellness,

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Quieting the Fight Inside of You

quiet the fightWe fight ourselves so hard. We make things more complicated and more difficult than they have to be. We do this with the little things (what to eat, doing dishes and laundry) and with the big things. But it’s the fighting with all of the little things that really gets us stuck because it’s happening all the time. It’s the pattern so many of us run constantly, like music in the background that is always playing. So how do you stop it, or at least practice quieting that fight?

First, you recognize that it’s happening. This alone can create huge shifts, because this type of message from your inner critic is often so ingrained in how you function that you don’t even notice it anymore. Cues that it’s happening include negative self talk like:

“I can’t do anything right” 
“I messed up again” 
“I don’t deserve…” 
“I don’t have enough time” 
“I have other people whose needs have to come before my own”

Sometimes the cues come in your behaviors more than the self talk:

Resistance
Procrastination
Distraction

These fights can go on for so long and when they do, they start to influence who we are at sour core. Quieting the fight allows you to grow into your authentic self.

When you recognize that you are fighting yourself, you open the door to learning more about what you really want.

In this place of possibility you can ask yourself a simple question, “What do I want right now?”

The question is certainly easier to ask than answer much of the time, but the next step is asking the question and listening for an honest response.

I’ll share an example of a situation that comes up in my life because it serves as a good reminder that this is all practice and that there is not some simple quick-fix that is going to work 100% of the time.

It gets to be dinner time but I’m rushing around trying to finish things from my day. I begin to notice my hunger so I go into the kitchen to see what I have to eat. I open the fridge, and then close it deciding there’s nothing there that I want. I open the cupboard door. Same thing. I check the counter to see what’s out and none of that really appeals to me either. I’ll do this many times, sometimes taking a break to check my email as if somehow, magically, new food will appear in my kitchen and it will be exactly what I want. Each time that I go back, my hunger (and my frustration) is rising.

Many days, I’ll stop myself at some point and say to myself, “Wait. What do I really want right now?”

Sometimes the answer will be “I don’t know” and the loop of frustration will continue. Most of the time though, when I can step away from what I have and don’t have, what feels easy or difficult, I can tune into my body and discover what it is I want, whether it’s protein, salad, a refreshing smoothie or one of my easy go-to meals.

The recognizing and asking are keys to quieting the fight, but the foundation of it all is in creating ritual. 

When you create ritual within your day to day life, all of the little places start to be infused with ease instead of overwhelm. 

You create ritual in your closet by filling it only with clothing that you love. Then getting dressed each morning becomes an act of self-love, everyday.

You create ritual in your eating habits by filling your kitchen with nourishing choices, so no matter what you choose to eat, it fills you on many levels.

You create ritual around the seemingly mundane tasks and suddenly the dishes, the laundry, the cleaning up the clutter become ways to care for your environment, and by extension, yourself and your family.

Ritual does not have to mean whatever you have been taught by others that it means. Ritual is yours to create and define.

In the month of October, we will be gathering as a community to explore in the Sacred Ritual Everyday. If you join us for this journey, by the end of October, you will have taken great strides in quieting the fight within you.

Learn more and join us today.

Peace, Love, and Wellness,

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Why Nurturing Others Starts with Nurturing You

When Sheila Pai of A Living Family asked me to participate in her Nurturing You Virtual Retreat, I was honored. I had the pleasure of coaching her for the first half of 2014 and it is so exciting to see everything that she was working towards during that time come together – her book, her retreat, and the community that she is growing with such love. She is a beautiful example of what it means to not only find but live your passion in an authentic way.

The idea behind Nurturing You is one that resonates deeply with me, and you know that if you’ve been part of this community for a while. I wrote about it here where I shared this photo that sums it up well:

Self care

We are so good at convincing ourselves that we must put others’ needs before our own, but it’s simply not true. When we do that, we’re actually doing a great disservice not only to ourselves but to those we love because we are coming into those relationships feeling drained, resentful, and with the message that we don’t deserve to be taken care of.

On September 15th, you’ll get to hear me share with Sheila’s community about Clearing Toxins (both mental and physical) and Creating Space so that you can step more fully into your dreams. This is one of many ways that you can begin to more deeply take care of yourself and your family. I am looking forward to this chance to connect with others and to be part of an incredible line up of speakers who will be sharing their wisdom about mindful self-care, what it means to them and how you can begin to incorporate it into your life.

I hope that you’ll join us!

Peace, Love, and Wellness,

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How Ritual Can Get You through Even When It’s Not There

You know those times when it feels like your world suddenly flips upside down? And then things just keep coming at you from all directions, at lightening speed, and you don’t even have a moment to catch your breath? Much of my summer felt like that.

Even though July and August were an emotionally draining time, I managed to hear myself say the following to my husband the other day, “Despite everything, I feel happy and calm at my center.” And I do.

Here I am taking a moment to catch my breath.

Here I am taking a moment to catch my breath.

Many of my self care rituals got lost in the shuffle of a complicated summer. In August, I saw my meditation practice drop away. I barely did any yoga. I’m not even sure if my kitchen was stocked with lemons for my daily lemon water. There was a week there where I barely ate (some people eat emotionally when things are tough and I found myself doing the opposite, not even making time for food).

So much took a back seat in August, but the idea of ritual kept me going. I knew that when I was ready, I could return to it, and I did. Coming from a place of non judgment I was able to honor the space I needed and to recognize and accept that I couldn’t do it all.

Mantra stayed with me. Breath work stayed with me. Lots of restful sleep stayed with me. And that was enough.

One day in the middle of the month, I found myself in a yoga class. Almost immediately I could feel the healing that was happening. The familiar movements. The feeling of home that my mat always brings me. It was a reawakening to one of the most important rituals of all in my life, one that follows me on and off my mat – the practice of yoga.

Whatever rituals hold meaning for you, whether they are ones that you can easily tuck into your day (like lemon water when you actually have the lemons) or the ones that take a little more planning (like getting to a yoga class or getting a massage), know that they are always waiting for you. When you meet them from a place of non judgment, you’ll be able to get through anything.

Peace, Love, and Wellness,

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Simplicity is Practice

Simplicity Vision

This week in my love note to my email list I’m talking about simplicity. Here with you, I am going to share what I do on a (mostly) daily basis to invite simplicity into my life, and to try to encourage it to stay.

When you’re first getting started with practicing simplicity, it can feel hard. If you’re anything like me, you can pause now, look back over your life, and realize how unnecessarily complicated you’ve made most things.

Simplicity allows you the space to focus on your desires without getting tangled up in overwhelm, fear, and anxiety. Simplicity is a breath of fresh air. It opens your eyes to what’s most important because your vision becomes less clouded.

When you can infuse your journey towards motherhood with simplicity you create more space for empowerment, ease, and enjoyment.

As with most things, simplicity is a practice, and to keep it going strong, to weave it into the fiber of who you are, it can help to have a few guiding practices. Here are some of mine.

Start small :: Make the bed. Morning pages. Lemon water.

Create space :: No technology for the first and last 2 hours of the day. Clear clutter.

Be grateful ::  Remember the good. Release the not so good.

Nourish :: Whole, fresh foods. Uncomplicated and delicious.

Move your body :: Walk. Sun salutations. Dance party.

As you ease into your day, begin with the things that make you feel amazing. Be fully present in the moment. Enjoy the warm water rushing over your body. Hold that hot mug between your hands. Feel the cool breeze on your face.

Simplicity lives in the moments. That means that at any point, you can begin again. You can choose simplicity right now and know that you are giving yourself the gift of a simplicity practice.

How can you choose simplicity today? Share with us in the comments below.

Peace, Love, and Wellness,

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The $368 Lesson that Will Guide You to Empowered Conception, Pregnancy, and Motherhood

May Day collage wtwwThis weekend was going to be about leading a visioning workshop, spending time in the woods eating healthy food, practicing yoga and mediation, and connecting with a group of women. Instead, it ended up being about trusting my intuition, practicing intimacy, growing connection, creating space, middle of the night epiphanies and spending time outside but at home instead of in the woods.

In the end, it was a soul-filled weekend, but it was a long road to get there and the path looked completely different than my calendar told me it would.

It all started a month or two ago, and it was felt full-force last week through a series of panic attacks that served to bring me back to center in what felt like a painful, confusing, and roundabout way.

This lesson had a $368 price tag that I agonized over, but in the end, what I learned was priceless and it’s important for you to understand on your journey, wherever you are as you travel closer to your dreams.

Here’s what $368 got me in the end:

A reminder that it’s sometimes important to say no

When my friend asked if I’d be interested in leading a visioning workshop to kick off her yoga retreat, I thought it sounded like an incredible opportunity, and while I thought about it a little bit before saying yes, I now realize, I didn’t spend enough time listening to myself while I was trying to make my decision.

A visioning workshop is a big and heartfelt yes for me. A retreat in the middle of the woods with mostly women I don’t know is a big and heartfelt no. As I came to realize during last week’s panic attacks, there were many possible reasons that I was feeling anxiety, but the bottom line was that the event itself wasn’t lighting me up inside.

I love the yoga teachers who ran the retreat, they are two of my favorites, but the atmosphere was not conducive to me being me.

If it doesn’t light you up from head to toe, it’s okay, and probably best, to say no. Tweet This.

The realization that it’s always important to trust your intuition

As the first wave of panic came over me last Monday, I just felt a big no in my body. Has that ever happened to you? Even if you don’t know why, you can feel that something is off. For me, it felt heavy and restricting, and as the panic attacks kept recurring throughout the week, I kept trying to figure out why.

As one of my coaches reminded me recently, I tend to over think things, and this was a perfect example of that over thinking in action.

What I eventually realized as I rationalized my fears away one by one was that the why didn’t matter. What mattered that there was something within me saying no. Once I listened to that inner voice and surrendered to its message, the panic attacks ended and peace and calm returned.

Sometimes you just need to create space

The decision to stay home this weekend, despite already having paid for the non-refundable retreat created space in a variety of ways that would not have happened if I had been away for the weekend.

I created space for open communication and flow with my husband as I gave up my “me time” for the weekend to allow him to accept a great opportunity, and in return, I got that much needed time for myself and my creativity rescheduled in a way that feels much more authentic to what I need right now.

I created space within my home as my daughter played a new game, “From Wall to Window” in which we completely cleaned part of our living space and created an environment that truly feels like home, and that gives us space to be present with one another in ways that we couldn’t have been previously.

I created space in myself by getting to practice trusting my intuition and to honor and care for myself even when I was coming up against feelings of shame, embarrassment and confusion. I also created the opportunity to realize that my needs are valued at much more than $368. That is no easy lesson.

So what does this have to do with your journey through conception, pregnancy, childbirth and motherhood? Everything.

It comes back to the idea of trusting yourself, your intuition, your body. When you learn to use your body as a tool to deeper understanding of yourself, you can release a lot of unnecessary anxiety, but you have to be aware of it.

I had to go through it to be reminded of that lesson this week, and I hope that in sharing this part of my journey with you, when you notice your body saying yes or no, you will be able to honor that, release the why, and let it guide you.

Peace, Love, and Wellness,

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Starting the Day with Gratitude (and a giveaway!)

gratitude practiceI woke up this morning, after a rough night of sleep. For some reason I was restless, and the birds were chirping at 3am as if to say, we’re up too, come join us! When I woke again, it was almost 8am and I found myself filled with gratitude.

I am grateful for sleep.

I am grateful for my family.

I am grateful for the geese.

I am grateful for this day.

To rise each day with gratitude means to begin each day filled with possibility.

If you’re anything like me, many days begin with you feeling like you are already behind, playing catch to a list of obligations, musts, and shoulds. When that is your starting point, it becomes much more difficult to shine your light and be the best version of yourself that you can be.

Gratitude goes much deeper than a powerful way to begin your day, and that’s why I’m excited to be offering Growing with Gratitude in the Rise and Shine Giveaway that runs through May 2nd. I am one of 25 women offering our gifts to you so that you can rise each morning, believing fully in the possibility that is you.

You can check out the giveaway here and choose your gifts, finding the ones that resonate most.

Here are a few that I’ve grabbed for myself:

The Inspired Mama’s Resource Guide from Becky McCleery

The Story of Stuck from Nancy J. Pigno

7 Real World Steps to Embracing Your Intuitive Gifts from Jessica Lee

After you look through the gifts, come back here and leave a comment letting me know which ones most inspire you to rise and shine!

Peace, Love, and Wellness,

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What’s Holding You Back from Your Dreams?

Vantage PointAs I write this, I’m looking out my window onto a beautifully sunny day – no clouds, and the trees are beginning to bloom. We live on the 6th floor of a building, and I often joke about how this is the closest I will ever be to living in a tree house. Although there are times when I long to feel more grounded and connected to the earth than I do from the 6th floor, I am grateful for the vantage point that I have from here as well. It’s a reminder that while staying grounded is important, so is soaring towards our dreams.

In our lives, it’s really important to remember that we have the ability to view our current situation from various vantage points, and we can learn lessons from all of them.

Have you ever noticed that your energy feels different in these situations…

At night versus in the morning?

After a yoga or exercise class versus after you’ve been sitting on your couch all day?

After eating a nourishing meal versus a big bowl of ice cream?

These are all different vantage points, and they can tell you about the situation you are facing, as well as what is most supportive to you as you navigate what’s coming your way.

Recognizing how a situation looks from various vantage points is only part of the journey though – the next step is figuring out from which place inside, from which version of yourself, you want to respond.

Will it serve you to respond from a place of anger? Probably not.

Will it serve you to respond from a place of resentment? That’s not likely the best choice either.

Will it serve you to respond from a place of empathy? Possibly, but you have to be mindful of your own boundaries.

Will it serve you to respond from a place of compassion? Absolutely, especially if the compassion is for yourself.

Here’s the thing – if you’re anything like me (and most people I know), you make most of your decisions based on what others think – or might think, even if this is happening subconsciously. Sometimes this works out okay, but most of the time it leads to hurt, frustration, and a lot of negativity.

Especially when you are preparing yourself for conceiving a baby (but also when you’re conceiving anything in your life, even if it’s just your plan for tomorrow), it is so important to surround yourself and engage with positive energy. This is the energy of growth and creativity. When you focus on the negative, or you allow the negativity to seep into your life, it can stifle you. It can actually keep your dreams from growing.

When you begin to make decisions from a place of compassion and positivity, those feelings expand, and you will find yourself manifesting what you’ve most desired.

Here’s my challenge to you – find one place in your life where you know negativity is seeping in, and fill that space with something positive instead. Be part of the community by sharing an area where you are ready to release the negativity in the comments below.

Peace, Love, and Wellness,

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When It’s Not What We Think It Is

It started on Chloe’s birthday after spending 3 hours in a park. The itchy throat, the stuffy nose, and it came on fast. Knowing my history with allergies, even though the past few years have been better (thank you raw local honey and clean healthy eating!), I made the obvious assumption that allergies were to blame, and I locked myself inside for the next few days as I battled to breath with just one nostril.

My suspicions were confirmed when I went out for an hour 4 days later, and I started to feel worse again. This time, more than my nose, my throat was the victim. By the next morning, I had virtually no voice. The weather was gorgeous and I stayed inside, wishing I could open the windows and let the air filter my home (just like Sara Snow talked about in our recent interview).

A week had passed, and despite beginning to feel better thanks to Melanie St. Ours and her wonderful herbal wisdom, I questioned whether enjoying the 70 degree weather was a smart choice, but I needed to get out, so off we went.

Clover Collage

“So far so good,” I said to my mom as we walked from the car towards the season’s first Clover Market, an outdoor market of area artisans including our friend Hillary from Isabella Sparrow and a woman I went to school with, Jenny Staple with her beautiful jewelry.

As the hours passed and I still felt pretty good (just tired out by the 4 year old!), I began to realize something really exciting – I had been sick!! I have rarely been so excited about being sick, but this meant that perhaps the windows could be opened and I could enjoy the fresh air of spring.

It is easy to jump to conclusions in our lives – whether it comes to relationships, to our health, or even to what path to choose. When we can stay open to all possibilities, we might find ourselves pleasantly surprised.

I remain cautiously optimistic and now feel prepared to try opening the windows and letting the breeze into my home. If you’re a fellow allergy sufferer, here are a few things I’m adding to my routine this season just in case.

  • My daily dose of raw local honey
  • Sabidil (a homeopathic allergy remedy)
  • My nose irrigator (I just tried it but so far I find it easier than my neti pot, same concept)
  • Lots and lots of water
  • Being mindful of high pollen days so I can keep track of how I feel and if it’s related (nothing beats self awareness!)

I’d love to know about a time when what you thought to be true turned out to be something else and what that taught you. Leave a comment below!

Peace, Love, and Wellness,

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Gathering in Community So We Can be Mirrors for One Another

When I step onto my mat, I take myself on a journey inward. Yoga is not just a way to move my body; it is also my spiritual practice. I reconnect to myself deeply, and most of the time, if you watched me practice, you would see that my eyes are closed. This helps me to keep the focus on what’s going on for me internally – What am I feeling? Where do I want to create more space? What connections can I make between my body and my mind?

Recently, I have been practicing in two spaces that have mirrors, and this was a first for me. In the beginning, it threw me off balance – literally. I’d be searching for a drishti (a focal point), the small hole in the window blinds at my old studio now gone, and I’d see moving parts of the other people in the class, and sometimes, if I was close enough, I’d see me. As I’ve gotten used to it, my own eye is my best drishti for poses like eagle, wrapped up in myself, focusing on the one eye that is visible, a reminder to myself that I will always be there.

I’ve been thinking about mirrors a lot lately, not just because they are becoming part of my practice. I’ve been thinking about how we are not only mirrors for ourselves, but about how we are mirrors for others.

being a mirror

I’ve spent days trying to find the words to explain this, because in my heart I feel it so deeply.

It is so easy for each one of us to feel incredibly alone in our life – in our day-to-day struggles and triumphs, both big and small. It is so easy to tell ourselves that no one else could possibly understand, that no one else has experienced something quite like this, that no one else is like us, and therefore that something must be wrong with us.

We are so good at weaving these stories for ourselves, at closing our eyes and bringing our practice inward, that sometimes it’s not until we feel so off balance that we’re about to topple over that we open our eyes. When we do, what do we see?

When we have been lucky enough to find our community, our tribe, we open our eyes and see that we are surrounded by love and support, and that we are absolutely not alone. We reach out, we find the courage to speak our fears, our desires, our deepest hurts, and we find that we are not alone.

Being a mirror for another can be a powerful act of community and spiritual communion. We can do this in each and every action and reaction that we have, with ourselves and with others. Holding space for one another so that we all come to learn that we are not alone is what gives us the strength to take the next step, and the next, and the next, on this journey that at times feels painful and overwhelming but is always, no matter what, a blessing.

Some questions to think about as your journey through your day…

How am I a mirror for myself?
How am I a mirror for others?
What makes me feel most alone?
Where can I go to find my community, my tribe?

Peace, Love, and Wellness,

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